AMY J. EXPOSED

EXPOSING THE EVIL OF AMY J
#1: HACKING
While she pretends to be terrible at using tech, in reality, she has taken advantage of her son's technology skills to learn how to hack multibillion-dollar companies. The Canvas hack? All her. (She got sick of school.) Proof? She has gotten so good at using her computer that asking her son for tech help has happened sparingly. Great work. I mean, awful work. Stop hacking.
Look at her in this image. She knows exactly what she's doing. That MacBook is a vessel for destruction.
Victim testimonies: We saw "INCOMING TRAFFIC: SUBURBAN MOM" and just ignored it. After all, how much damage could a mom do? Thinkng that was our biggest mistake.
- Canvas CEO
We like to say our platforms are secure just for the sake of it, but really, she's the one keeping us on our toes.
- Tim Cook
#2: TERRORISM
She makes evil plans with Minecraft creepers daily. When she agreed to go to Microsoft headquarters with her son, that wasn't because she was going out of her way to make her son happy and spend time with him. No, it was so she could talk to the creepers and coordinate them. Beware. At 6:07pm on June 7th, 2067, a storm of creepers will invade 67 Buyfro Way, Newberg, Oregon and destroy the block. This is the address of her arch enemy, Antiyengar.
How do we know this? Well, our sources found a picture of her plotting with the creepers. It's disgusting how fearless she looks. This is all the information we needed.
Victim testimonies: I was just doing the least precise, most ignorant and unsafe yoga I possibly could when The Exposers told me this news. I shall make my revenge preparations.
- Antiyengar
Amy would never hurt anyone, not even Antiyengar. That's literally against her whole philosophy. Y'all are weird.
- Close Friend of Amy
#3: HOARDING
The United Kingdom has been facing a tea shortage and no one knew why until we did our investigation. It turns out, it was her all along. She has been drinking so much tea that even the top tea drinkers have been out-tea-d. The issue with this? The tea is so calming and regulating that no one has been able to claim the tea back. When they try, she just gives them a respectful "talk" and by the end of it? She only gets more tea.
Here is photo proof. She has the entire global supply in her hands.
Victim testimonies: This mum's nickin' the whole bloody global supply o' tea, she is. I ain't 'ad a single cuppa me-self in bleedin' months!
- Random Brit
. . .
- Queen of England
#4: DICTATORSHIP
Once, she took over an entire city. How? They willingly voted. The result? The QoL (quality of life) index improved by 300%. How? Everyone learned to take deep breaths, was given posture checks, and took their dirty clothes downstairs all by themselves. Fortunately, her reign of joy was taken down when a worker said they weren't allowed to be on the roof.
Moments before disaster, she took a picture of herself. Damn, what a cool picture.
Victim testimonies: I'm supposed to say bad things about her? Why? Uhh, she dropped my phone off the refrigerator when I was little? Does that work?
- Conflicted Citizen
The trees in this city have never been happier. - The Lorax
#5: BEING A GOOD TEACHER
Are you f###ing kidding me? This has gone too off the rails. We're supposed to be exposing her. So WHY are we complimenting her now? We've tried our absolute best to find evil things about this person but we just find these fake "crimes"? The creeper image is LITERALLY just a home photo. Alright. I'm done. I quit. I'll hand it over to my collegue.
#5: BEING AN AWESOME MOM
The truth is, that red haired kid in the image is way too lucky. Of all the moms, he basically got the perfect one. We're just jealous. We've searched the entire world for better moms to compare her to for this site. We tried. We really tried. But at the end of the day? She's literally the best.

What other mom supports their child's independence, is willing to help him start a business, and sets him up with online school when the easy option is to keep him in public school like everyone else.

And who else is super fun to hang out with, gets the same humor, has the best hugs, and cares the most?

Mutual understanding, willingness to adapt, relentless flexibility and wholehearted love? That's rare.

Something tells us that her son is eternally grateful.


Happy Mother's Day :)
PAID FOR BY FRIENDS OF ANTIYENGAR